I’m not going back

Dr. Sabrina Ellis

I, like many of you, have heard the expression, “Confession is good for the soul.” I don’t doubt that, especially if one is confessing sin! But sin is not my confession, at least not today!

I am shy! I am an introvert! Now… there, I said it! Over half of my life has been spent in what was a comfortable place for me. It was an awakening to learn how uncomfortable that place was for others.  Inside my head, not talking much, and avoiding unnecessary attention at all cost caused others to develop skewed opinions or perceptions of me. I’ve been accused of being mean, aloof, and distant.  When the truth is, I was happy with just being with me and worried I would be rejected by others.  I was okay to just be left alone.  I am writing in the past tense because I worked hard to come out of my comfort zone for the sake of ministry.  It seemed like a good idea, sense ministry is a people business.

Lately, I have felt the urge to return to my comfort zone.  I am overwhelmed to say the least! Whew!  Going back into the shell I broke out of so long ago sounds like a good place to be, at least for a little while.  Church, home, meetings, conferences, social events, preaching, teaching, pastoring, counseling, mothering, wifing, hosting, extended family, new business, problems, disappointments, finances, disloyalty, rejection etc., etc. All of that on a regular basis is enough to wear anybody down, but especially an introvert!

Listen! I AM NOT DEPRESSED! I AM WORN OUT!  While you may be tempted to encourage me with your own diagnosis, or a Scripture, let me assure you that this transparent moment is actually therapeutic!! Besides, I’ve been trained as a clinical counselor and I am a preacher, so I think I know the basic responses one might have.  It just feels good to let you know I am human, in case you thought I was superwoman.

 

The shell I dream about returning to is just that, a dream! Somewhere along my journey I entered the world of extroverts! (Probably started when I married one!) I also recognize that my shell no longer exists!  From time to time, I’ve tried to find it or create another one, but I constantly find myself in the midst of LIFE!  So, I have decided to live the best life I can! I only get one! I will back away when I need to recharge, but I’ll return better!


Like the woman with the issue of blood (in Matthew, Mark, and Luke), I am declaring before God and people my need for reaching out and touching Jesus! Bible readers know the outcome of her story!  Make your confession and be made whole!

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